Experimental Beauty...

So one day I was in the craft store about to buy more candle wax (I have a very long list of crafts that I enjoy...) when I came across Body Lotion Base, Shea Butter, Cocoa Butter, and Vitamen E... So, I couldn't resist! I bought it all. Lol. I also got some awesome Sweet Pea fragrance too! I made some lotion with a little bit of shea butter in it, and while I was waiting for the lotion to harden back up (you have to heat it until it totally liquifies), I began reading the benefits of shea butter. It's a skin softener and it can help prevent wrinkles... SWEET! Cocoa butter is known for its moisturizing ability and Vitamen E is essential to your skin. So here was my thought- why not basically put the stuff straight on your face? So, for a few days (fortunately for me I was off of work) I wore a shea butter mask ALL DAY LONG. I definately could feel a difference on my skin each time I applied it. The downside- it left my face feeling kinda greasy while I was waiting for it all to sink into my skin.

So anyways, here's what I did. I took the last little bit of lotion base I had, put in an entire stick of Shea butter, a stick of Cocoa butter, and a bottle of Vitamen E... threw in some fragrance and a little dye and TADA! I came up with this gunky looking stuff below...

I'm testing it out on my face to see if it helps... I'm not even sure if it will, but my hopes are definitely up!

Joining the College Scene...

So, if I haven't let you in on a little bit of my personal life at home, here's a little bit of information. During my junior year in high school, my mother began doing cocaine. I was completely oblivious to this, of course. I started dating this guy that I thought was plumb-friggin'-incredible. His name was Seth. We dated for a year... Literally. We broke up on our anniversary. I still regret the things that I put him through... No apology I've ever been able to offer to him has been enough, and I understand his difficulty in being able to cope with our break-up. I hit him hard... REALLY hard. The thing about the relationship that made it so terrible was the one person that should've been understanding of my cares for this GOOD, HONEST GUY. My mom. Now, I better understand that it was her addiction to cocaine that made the relentless onslaught of "I hate your boyfriend" and trouble she made between us. Yet still, I have some slight resentment in the fact that I believe things might've turned out differently. I'm not regretting my break-up... The man I'm in love with has brought me more happiness that I could ever imagine, but my mom's coke addiction has even ended all communication between Seth and me.

During my senior year, I began dating Joe. If you've read my other post about my difficulty with relationships, Joe is the violent marine. He's in boot camp right now. Although we've not officially broken-up, in his letters to me, he seems to have knowledge of my desire to move on. The great thing about Joe was that during the time that I moved back into the house with my mom (I had moved out over the summer because I couldn't handle living with my mom any more...) he helped try to explain the nonsense that was going on in my life. He always denied that my mom was doing any drugs... He couldn't explain her behavior... but he was always there to try. When my mother checked herself into rehab one early November day, Joe was right there beside me to help me pick up my pieces. He had seen me struggling for months with the strange men that kept coming over to the house and the crazy ways that my mother had been treating me. Mom was in rehab until February. When she got out, she almost immediately relapsed. Suddenly, I was struck with a fear like none other... My mom was never going to get off coke...

When my mom's addiction was brought up in November, I quit my job... I didn't think I could handle it anymore.. Honestly, at the time, I don't think I could have. When she relapsed. I instantly began working again... Almost full time. Once again, I found myself drinking energy drinks to stay awake in class, rushing from school to get to work on time, and working until nearly 12 every night. Only to get up early and begin the process over again... I had promised myself that I'd never do it again... My health was supposed to mean more to me than anything... My grades too... but I couldn't let my mom's addiction ruin my life. If I had to start paying my bills, then I would do it. It was scary, and I spent several nights crying over it, but I knew I was strong enough to do it.

On the plus side, my work load has greatly decreased. Mom has signed up for weekly testing. One positive test and she loses everything... Needless to say, she's staying straight... At least for today. For the longest, I put off doing anything dealing with college because my family is in so over their head in debt that it seemed almost impossible. It's been a problem I've really been stressed out about. I've been waiting for so long to become and adult, and suddenly, I'm struck with the fact that there is NO ONE to hold my hand. I have to do this for myself! I've been so busy taking care of everyone else that I'm not sure how to take care of me. After months of serious procrastination, I've put in an application to UGA. I also plan on putting one in to West Georgia as well... I'm working diligently on my FAFSA and looking forward to seeing what Stafford Loans and Hope Scholarships I can get. Joining the college scene is a huge step for me, but I don't want anything holding me back...

Rue (or Forever) 21

I'm not normally one to speak anything about fashion- especially since my own style is so... random- but I can say that I'm super excited. My favorite store has finally come to Rome, GA. Rue 21. Someplaces know it as Forever 21.

The greatest thing about Rue 21 is that they offer runway look-alikes for (get this...) REALLY CHEAP! Some of the most expensive things in there only reach about $30. For me, it's like stepping into Express or Maurices (which, in my mall, just so happen to be right across from the new Rue 21) and actually being able to SHOP. I can shop because I'm no longer worried about ridiculous prices.

When it comes right down to it, I'm a bargain shopper. Unfortunately, I have had some setbacks from my bargaining. I'm quick to buy before I check for quality. (Especially if I need a work outfit and I'm almost late for work) Tip to all girls: Check the quality of anything before you go purchasing tons at your nearest Kohls, Ross, or TJ Maxx.

As for my own personal style? I guess you could say I prefer a chic rocker style. I like to dress up and make myself look nice, but on a day to day basis I'm more of a rocker gal. (Speaking of which... It's about time to re-dye my hair) I'll post pictures of my individual style soon enough!

The Melody of Life

I don't normally post my poetry on here (mostly because it's so personal and it's got everything to do with me, but also because I don't take criticism on it very well... Lol) but this particular poem I really liked... I dunno. You guys may hate it... but if you like it, I may post more...

Strumming the notes
on the chords of my heart,
the tune sounds sweet
in my head,
and there are dreams
twirling on the treble clef
buried in my soul.
Happiness, Sadness
all enveloped in a song-
broken record memories-
a dance of flowers
and of sun hats
of birds and of clouds.
Melodies of Life as
the crickets' lullaby symbolizes
the return of night
and Sister Moon-
the whole note of life-
sounds the drums
of dormant hearts-
of lovers' hearts-
begins a march
(love as rythmic as war).
Is it Love that plucks
my fragile heart-strings
and drums my favorite beat?
Or does the melody of life
take my breath away?
Instead, I believe it is
the music
that allows me
to dance with angels

Be-Jeweled

Some more stuff I've made:


Wooden Rectangle Necklace with Square Jade Beads


A Child's Charm Bracelet (I couldn't resist when I saw the cute fishies!)

A Shell, Wooden Bead, and Blue glass bead anklet

Shell, Wooden beads, Brown and Orange Glass Bead Bracelet

Earring to match the bracelet (above).

My personal favorite. Turquoise, blue wooden beads,  and jasper necklace, Turquoise and blue wooden bead bracelet. (I've got earrings to match, but I accidentally left them at my dad's house... Lol.)

Which is your favorite?